The Perfectionist Trap
The Perfectionist Trap: When your standards silence your success
Do you ever wonder if you might be a perfectionist?
Try answering these:
Do you procrastinate or avoid tasks, not from laziness, but because of a fear that you won’t meet the impossibly high standards you’ve set for yourself?
Do you treat anything short of perfect as failure?
Do you fall into all-or-nothing thinking, “If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother at all?”
Even when you achieve something, do you feel a hollow sense of not being enough, driving a never-ending pursuit of the next goal?
Do you spend far too long tweaking and refining, often to the point of exhaustion?
Is your sense of worth tied to productivity, performance, or external praise?
If any of that resonates, you're not alone and you're not broken.
But here’s the hard truth: Perfectionism isn’t helping you thrive. It’s exhausting, anxiety-provoking, and counterproductive. So, what’s really going on beneath the surface?
The Psychology Beneath Perfectionism
Perfectionism is rarely just about high standards. More often, it’s a survival strategy — shaped by our histories, identities, and environments. Here are a few core psychological patterns that often underpin it:
Negativity bias: Our brains are wired to focus more on mistakes than wins. That inner critic? It’s trying to protect you — but often overcorrects.
Fear of judgment or rejection: Perfection can feel like a shield against criticism, disapproval, or failure.
Low self-compassion: Holding yourself to unrealistically high standards, while offering others grace.
Imposter syndrome: Believing your successes are luck, not earned — and fearing you’ll be ‘found out.’
Overthinking & rumination: Getting stuck in loops of what you “should” have done, instead of moving forward.
Steps toward freedom
Breaking free from perfectionism doesn’t mean lowering your standards — it means redefining success in a way that’s more sustainable, kind, and aligned.
Shift your self-talk: Practice noticing your inner dialogue — and soften it with compassion and curiosity.
Celebrate progress: Small wins matter. Acknowledge them as much as the end result.
Challenge mental loops: Catch and disrupt repetitive, unhelpful thoughts with grounding tools or mindful inquiry.
Practice self-compassion: Speak to yourself like you would to someone you love.
Reframe mistakes: See them as data and opportunities to grow, not proof of inadequacy.
Set realistic expectations: Ask yourself: what’s “good enough” here? Where can I let go?
Use mindfulness: Awareness is a powerful first step — simply noticing when perfectionism is at play can create choice.
You can strive for excellence without perfection. You can lead with care without being consumed. You are enough — just as you are.
✨ Want to explore this further? Part 2 of this series explores perfectionism through the lens of trauma and racialised experience. If you’re seeking deeper support, consider working with a trauma-informed coach or therapist who can help you break free from perfectionism and reconnect with your inherent worth.